Perhaps my own slack-approach to posts this summer prompted a dive into “commitment”, but more curious is that the wider-world social contracts of my youth seem to be breaking faster than cheap-import plastic.
What does it mean to “commit” to a person, a project, or a life goal?
For me there’s a sense of attachment and application of will to maintain a connection until the job is done.
When is the job done, though?
photo credit: pixabay.com
My youngest kiddo recently explained a “problem” with follow-through, describing several past interests with great starts that sputtered after a short time. “I just drop it and I don’t know why I don’t go back”, to trumpet, learning Japanese, or dance classes in said kiddo’s case.
I asked if this pattern wasn’t a normal human process of checking out new options, and dropping the rock when the shine wears off? Kiddo was certain it was an “issue”, filing it in the “defect” folder.
Do we carry messaging that there is a “problem” if we start but don’t finish? Quit instead of grit?
Man, there’s alot written about that question, and I’m not going to add anything useful to the debate….more curious about now, and re-exploring the concept of commitment.
The word “commit” is formed from the Latin com-, meaning “with, together” and mittere “to release, let go; send, throw”.
The Latin translation of the word committere is “to unite, connect, combine, bring together”. Still not sure how mittere meaning “throw” was morphed into “bring”….
Straight up, etymology.com’s entry states “the evolution of the modern range of meaning in English is not entirely clear”.
Clearly true, as “commit” can define perpetrating a crime, consigning a person to custody, or pledging to join another in marriage.
And, those are not supposed to be the same thing, I think ;)
When I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s book “Committed” I was surprised by her dive into the history of marriage across cultures, and welcomed the reshuffling of beliefs I had based on fairytale-yearnings of my childhood. Where did they come from, those longings, those certainties about the way our world works? And what was the present-day value for me? For us?
What to do when a commitment made to, say, stay with a spouse until “death do you part” is in direct conflict with the simultaneous wedding vow of “love and cherish”? Can a human force love? For another? or learning Japanese?
Another excerpt from the etymology of “commit” describes a commonly accepted meaning circa 1530 as “trust (oneself) completely to”. I can get that one committing a crime, or relinquishing to custodial care is acting “completely” - irreversibly - a fork in the road of life.
But it seems just as clearly a letting go, a releasing of alternate options, of the past more-infinite potential.
And, like so much I’m encountering in our shared reality these days, there is a directly opposing meaning of “commit” in the root of a related word, “mission”.
1590s, "a sending abroad" (as an agent), originally of Jesuits, from Latin missionem (nominative missio) "act of sending, a dispatching; a release, a setting at liberty; discharge from service, dismissal," noun of action from past-participle stem of mittere "to release, let go; send, throw," which de Vaan traces to a PIE *m(e)ith- "to exchange, remove," also source of Sanskrit methete, mimetha "to become hostile, quarrel," Gothic in-maidjan "to change;" he writes, "From original 'exchange', the meaning developed to 'give, bestow' ... and 'let go, send'."
If you have any thoughts on how dismissal = exchange = quarrel let me know. I also was unaware that a “mission” meant discharge from service. I’m not making this stuff up.
So, without a terribly deep dive, a few ponderings…..
What if the “bringing together” of “commitment” is less a joining in a circle of sameness, a turning inward and holding on to a center point of agreement…and more a standing with to release together?
Like, “we’re not exactly sure what this will look like, or where it’s headed, and we want to watch it unfold as we right now….”
Like, “yeah, today I want to learn Japanese, so I’ll let my curiosity go wild”…until it doesn’t.
How could a human possibly yoke to permanency any aspect of life? When the only constant in life is change?
Instead of “honoring our commitments” being a mandate to maintain lifelong loyalty the myriad beliefs we entertain as a species, what if we go to the core of this word - this concept - and see the symbol reflecting what is more true for us…change?
And see “commitment” as change together?
Will I show up on time for my appointment with the cat psychologist? How about the promise I made to build a float for the PRIDE parade? The pledge to serve at the Trump-a-thon call center?
All I know, is that instead of trying to 24/7 batten down the hatches on the vessel of me while life throws sharknados, it feels liberating to do some throwing of my own.
Commit to the bast on substack….release the creative energy onto this page, let go of who I think I’m supposed to be as a writer and artist. Throw myself into the seas of change and swim with the current for awhile.
Laugh at the hubris I held while heavy with an anchor of certainty.
Cut the chain holding me to a ball of outdated beliefs, and unlock the handcuffs of expectation.
Commit to riding through the undeniable forces of change together, and throw away the search for a key.
With all that extra time on my hands… maybe I’ll learn Japanese.