Confessions of a Burner...
Last week, when I re-entered the “default world” after spending 10 days in Black Rock Desert for Burning Man 2019, I was in a bliss bubble.
The theme for this year’s burn was “Metamorphosis”, and I wondered how I had changed in the desert. Since I felt so free there, rocking with the All-Star Blugrass Jam Band at Rootpile, working and creating a family with the only live bluegrass camp on the playa, sitting in with the Playa Jazz Camp band, exploring fascinating artistic displays and cutting-edge technology camps....what more could I expect?
First, the longing. I missed the Playa - the desert landscape for the community of 80,000 who create Black Rock City once a year in the Nevada wild. I didn’t unpack for days. And then, the only reason I unpacked was to retrieve a pair of dust-drenched shoes to wear, unwashed, just to feel the playa, smell the dust, for a little bit again. The next day I dragged out an entire previously worn outfit - dust falling off the dress and jacket, to feel the desert dirt next to my skin.
Yes...that is the front end of a 747, turned into a party barge...have no idea how
they trucked it over the stretch of road to get it to the desert middle of nowhere….
When a friend sent a video montage of the sights of “Burning Man 2019”, and I saw my friends...my family...and my world of the desert -- I cried.
Although the default world seemed still beautiful, full of wonder and joy, the playful knowing look in the eyes of others sharing the world was...for the most part... missing.
Drama returned, and with it, a curious response from me: umm...nope. Huh. That easy?
And the fire kindled years ago when I started giving my breath to the music inside me, burned with more iridescent intensity, expressed in such clear ways...I never imagined.
For months before the Burn, I was managing the schedule created by single mom-ER physician-independent singersongwriter/pianist-newly discovered ukulele junkie life. Telling myself, after the Burn...I will get organized, get the music business streamlined, set up a regular schedule for gigs, get in the studio to record the new material and finish the album I have been incubating for years...
And now, it is after. The. Burn.
And I am the same. And different in ways I will never comprehend fully. I have seen the (LED paradise) LIGHT...and felt the unity of humanity experienced in radical inclusion, communal effort, civic responsibility, gifting and the other 10 Principles of Burning Man.
I know who I am, who we are, and what we are capable of in true community. We make music. And art. And everything we make is art and music. Given and received as one process, celebrating life. ALL of life.
The Temple Burn Sunday night, after the Saturday “Burning of the Man” blowout, carries a solemn energy of reflection, remembrance, grieving and release. I passed through the Temple before the night of the Burn, looking at the inscriptions on the inside walls of the wood structure, the photos, the pieces of life left by those mourning a loss. And I felt such beauty….”we made this. WE made this. For US to come together and share our losses, support our leavings, and stand together in moving on.”
In the next year, before I return to the desert for 2020’s Burn, I hope to discover you. Share your joys, your losses, your life. We have so much to create and celebrate together, in this life leant to us.
Check out Beth Nielsen Chapman's “This Life That’s Leant To You” and let me know...just let me know.
[Repost from 9/8/2019]