Paint It Forward
let's make it a rainbow laser light show...
Last week I frantically pulled together the evidence and timeline information to support my position for a hearing with the Clerk of Court in Ashe scheduled for Tuesday afternoon.
After 10 months of refusal to release funds and failed negotiation costing time and money, the folks that walked away from a contract to purchase my house had an opportunity to show the Clerk why they were justified in breaking the contract and demanding return of their earnest money deposit.
My ambivalence about the current judicial system in the U.S. aside, I followed the rules and did my part in the process.
The outcome was interesting, but the journey for me was where I found the real treasure.
Monday, as I printed emails and texts, I found myself considering the widest perspective of “truth” in the matter - from all sides - which involved deeply confronting my story. Honestly considering the intent I had with each decision point. Openly looking at how I saw the beautiful people that were claiming a different view of the circumstances, and me.
From their legal filings, I knew they intended to prove I was a fraud. Was I? How was I?
For me, this experience allowed me to examine what was true for me, and decide how I wanted to share my truth…and try to detach from what the response to that truth would be.
If the Clerk found in their favor, did that mean “my truth” wasn’t true? Or maybe I couldn’t adequately express my truth in a way that was fully understood?
Abstract for sure, and yet the river of my life has meandered already through imbalanced waters ignorant to “objective reality” long enough to bring me to a flow that is deep and covers all the territory - from soul growth to rent checks.
So when the Clerk’s decision came, I received it as a simultaneous experience of boots-on-the-ground 3D, and mountaintop looking down at the place I have in the collective right now.
That for me was astounding. Grateful not for “something” outside of me, but feeling gratitude as me, like an omnipresent wavelength in the cosmos I’m already a part of.
Grateful for the exploration into what is true for me, willingness to speak that truth to others without blame, shame or need to be right or wrong. Grateful for the acceptance that I don’t have control, and will remain fragile in ways I can’t “safeguard”, as long as my consciousness is in human form.
Grateful for the wider perspective that all of the rough rocky paths, bleeding and bruising of the past, led me here. Now.
As me. Same, and different - More. Of what I already always was.
All of this without mushrooms or pounding rhythmic deep house bass.
Whoa!